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| Wowsa... I got an email notification for xanga today.. what a pleasant surprise to find that people are still visiting my page and checking in even though I haven't updated anything worth a hmmph in a long, long time.. thanks. It warmed my heart in a way only strangers on the net who I've never met can... It's been a while since I've updated mostly because I've been busy, and lazy because I've been so busy.. a vicious cycle. 2007 was full of major changes for me (mostly good) and sort of overwhelming, but life is becoming familiar and 'mine' again... so that brings me back here... wanting to blog again. Not sure if I will write regularly, but I think it'll be a good way to relieve my stress again... so 'yes, no, maybe'... running through my head. dum dee dum. I'll go easy on myself... light venting here and there.. a little bit of one-sided ranting.. the ususal jibber jabber for my personal quest for brain leakage, and... of course...you're welcome to peek if that pleases you. I suppose there will be the usual exhibitionistic photosharing to give you folks a glimpse into my life for that twisted validation that a lot of us seem to need... as if myspace hasn't tapped that dry. We all do it... yes, even when we're 26 going on 27... yet I still bitch about my privacy when it's violated without permission. Ha ha. Hard to believe I started this blog when I was 22... almost exactly 5 years ago. A lot has changed since then for you, and for me, I'm sure. One good thing about getting older is that I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in my skin, and now it's easier to accept that I'm not perfect and I should stop trying because it just aint gonna happen. Of course, the perfection I was trying to achieve back then was merely a reflection of my perception of what I thought everyone expected of me, which in itself is completely and massively a reflection of imperfIection. (spillage...) Are you still here? You must really like me then... again.. only in a way that a stranger on the net can  Here's something: Did you know Starbucks is evil? I learned today that Starbucks killed 4 firefighters in Chicago some years ago. Well, not really. But really, I went to a firedrill instruction today, and walked away with this one fact: stupidity kills. A fire broke out in some commercial building in Chicago, and the building was evacuated. When the firefighters arrived, they realized that 5 employees were unaccounted for, so 6 courageous firefighters fought their way up this tall building to rescue them. 4 of them died during their effort to retrieve the 5 employees... who had walked over across the street to Starbucks to get their fraps! I bet they will live the rest of their lives feeling like giant assholes. This is the kind of story that makes you wish you knew who they are in real life... so you can go and ask "WTF" and maybe kick them... Ok, so this is my prologue. Good night, and see you again. | | |
| HAPPY HUMPDAY .. a few more days to go. anyway... it's always good to check things twice.. right?
PICS lounging at thina's work... 
some pics from our trip to the LA zoo 2 weekends ago.. kitty kitty.. 
eugene, eric & haneul 
a friendly giraffe 
humps 
the ugly booty gang 
and the smooth booty gang 
lovely 
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| i had a dream last night .. (you're the reason i'm living by bobby darin played in the background) i slow-danced with my dead lover's ghost under a moonlight.. he was dead 'cause i had shot him.. i had shot him because a birdy told me he would kill me... i had fired twice when i saw him walk through the door with what seemed to be a pistol.. his spirit said, "u know i wouldn't have shot ya, kiddo" (in that romantic 60's tone) i sobbed and said "i didn't know.. i didn't know.." "c'mere" he said and held me close and we danced. i couldn't see him but i felt him... the way u feel someone's touch lingering on ur nerves long after the touch itself "being without you feels like exhaling without the inhaling.." i said ??? i woke up feeling melancholy.. dammit.
so, the dodgers won last night. it was a great game. i'm not a huge dodger's fan but i couldn't help but cheer them on :) (sorry dave!) poor giants fans were getting boo-ed left and right along with their team... (something along the lines of "giants suck! go back to frisco") yeah, mature.. i know. but at least nobody was shot this year? there was only 1 fight during the game.. thank god. here are some pictures... DODGER'S STADIUM 
THE GAME: VS THE GIANTS 
CUTE BOYS IN FRONT :) 
1ST PITCHER PEREZ WAS GREAT 
HELLO 
CHEESE 
DODGER DOG.. YUM 
SCOREBOARD 
CAMERA-CRAZY BASTARDS 
THINA WAITING IN LINE FOR DODGER DOGS 
I'M SURROUNDED BY FAERIES.. right... 
K.. that's all. have a good day everyone. | | |
| do u ever have to deal with... anyone completely crippled by anger & bitterness? there's this person in my life.. well, not in it but still indirectly affecting my life. i don't think i've ever met anyone as ugly (on the inside) as she is. everything that comes out of her mouth are lies that she wants to believe and sometimes does believe... lies to improve the way people might perceive her & her life.. lies to belittle those she thinks are or can be a threat.. lies to cover up her devious acts and such. i used to get furious about this person to the point of just wanting to go shake her to get some sense into her (i don't think anyone has ever made me feel so violent & turbulent inside).. and i'd be lying if i said that i don't still feel a bit upset when her bullet ricochets in my direction.. but after some thinking, i've concluded that she must be a sad person inside. what would compel a person to be so mean? what would motivate someone to dedicate their time into making others as miserable as possible? it has to be because she's miserable inside. i think she must be lonely.. and i think her perception of herself must be wretched. my resentment of her has now turned into a sort of pity and a reluctant compassion. it's a reluctant compassion... because sympathy & compassion are like hugs on a different level.. and it's undesirable to hug a cactus. regardless.. i can't hate her back anymore. it's pointless, endless and draining. i don't want to waste my energy that way.. i'd rather give her a hug/compassion and get a few nicks here & there in the process than to let my heart bleed with hatred for her... for u. i hope u become truly happy one day.. instead having to pretend like you are all the time and feeding off other's pain.
happy tuesday.. at least monday is over & done with ;)
went to a laker's game last night thanks to my boss.. (lakers vs. suns) here are some photos. btw, they lost... come back, shaq. :( nonetheless... 
will be going to a dodger's game tomorrow night. ;) it's turning out to be a sports week. on a more somber note.. my beta fish died last night. :( they're such lonely animals. i cried. don't laugh. i get more easily attached to animals than i do to people.. i haven't decided whether i should give him a proper burial or let him out into the ocean.. in the meanwhile.. he's still in my room... sitting at the bottom of his bowl. don't fish normally float up when they pass? bye love.  | | |
| not much to update about... everything has been a nuisance as of late. life can get discouraging sometimes... routine can be so suffocating. i'm getting bored of it all.. no, boredom is an understatement. life is getting.. hmm.. tiresome.. or at least it is at the moment. but i can ramble on and on about that... and who has the time... anyhow. yesterday at the mall, i was walking behind 2 flighty asian girls that were chasing after a tall spanish dude that looked like a vin diesel wannabe. he was a man-meat with a shiny bald head, wearing a gaudy jenny-ho type of sun-glasses (inside a mall, mind u), and a cheesy pecks-hugging shirt that showed off his best (and probably only) assets. a prime example of a tool... regardless, they buzzed after him like 2 flies after fresh dookie, bumping into each other and giggling like fools who inhaled too much laughing gas. the scout fly caught up to man-meat to charm him and turn him over to her friend, who trailed behind giggling.. viciously & greedily waiting for the kill. vicious in the way flies can be in their persistence. he looked behind, did a double-take of her whence a look of fright came over his face then walked straight on ahead wordlessly. DISS. i cringed as i witnessed what i considered would be (should be) a humiliating event for them. but to my surprise, they were unfazed. as he picked up speed and hurridly walked into the next store in sight (to lose the flies i imagine), they chased him and waited for him at the entry of the store. they simply looked hungry to me as they were practically drooling. i almost felt sorry for the poor bastard... almost. there's nothing worse than getting pestered by random booty-hunters that won't take a hint & skidaddle.. i was just a bit baffled & amused to see it happen the other way around.. and i couldn't help resent them a little for being shameless and feeding the ego of some dick (excuse my language)... it all just seemed a little disgraceful. but yeah.... watch sin city if u haven't. though it was a bit much for me to handle at times, i still recommend it. hot (naked) chicks, blood & violence, villains & demented heros, terse & animated comic-strip dialogues.... what more can u ask for?
Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Oh girl, he'll help you understand
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Looking back as sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant
And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in
And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Oh no, oh no no no
Oh no, oh no no no
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